Denial or Hope?

See the Either/Or?

Feeling okay. Now.

We added Avastin this time. And I took only 2mg dexamethasone. Fasting works!

Was nauseated. Good grief I hate nausea.

Now, nausea has passed and my tongue is raw. Have you ever tried brushing your teeth with spicy toothpaste and a raw tongue? Wowza! My eosophagus, stomach and intestines are also raw. Throat Coat tea helps.

My sense of taste isn’t the same.

Shanthi said she’s willing to add oxaliplatin at a low dose later on if I continue to do well.

I want to cry when I think of adding oxaliplatin.

My hair began falling out again. I’m certain I started out with thicker hair this time than before. Something I have always wanted. To whoever might be listening - if it grows back again, please can I have it even thicker, red and curly? Or, could I just not have cancer.

I had been hoping my hair wouldn’t fall out this time. That was a possibility, apparently. So I’ve left it longer, pulling out handfuls of hair at a time, hoping that it would stop, knowing this is the result of only my first chemo round.

So, I cut my hair to a short-back-and-sides numbers 6 and 8.

Aubrey cried.

“It looks disgusting.”

“You look like Smarter Every Day.”

I actually like it, but it’s continuing to fall out in which case I may end up shaving it fully. I wish I could channel Jada Pinkett Smith.

I am waking up in the night with tummy troubles but finally they are not double-over-crying-with-pain-until-I-vomit type troubles. They’ve settled down to annoying enough I can’t sleep but not really painful. Hurrah! Progress.

It’s raining. The ducks are thrilled.

The ducks have a new title: Heads of Slug Security.

I remain in awe of the Ukrainians and everyone around the world who fights for their own freedom.